I find it funny (in a sick way) that Obama wants to talk about Red China and its success in the economic realm and how we stupid Americans would do as well as they if ONLY we’d let him and his minions have full rein of government.

Lemme tell you something. There’s a big difference.  Big leaps in production here in the US are done by private industry, fighting government the WHOLE way.  Wanna build a factory? Okay.  Let’s see.  where are you wanting to build it?  Over there?  Okay.  here’s your environmental package.  Go spend YOUR money for five or ten years to PROVE that you’re not getting ready to obliterate the last colony of silver-speckled pond shrimp on the planet.  Oh, and when you’re done?  You’re not done.  Because you’re under the microscope of every cluster of patchouli-reeking hippies on the planet, and they’re all searching for another reason to shut you down.  and you know what?  If they come up with the most half-assed of reasons, we, your friendly federal government, have appointed judges who will happily put your billion-dollar project on hold while you spend some more money defending yourself against that horde of hippies and their nebulous idea that in the last twenty years somebody MIGHT have seen a red-speckled gopher tortoise.

Okay.  You’ve just spent a few million and a few years and now it’s time to start building.  Those wonderful plans your engineers put together?  Re-do ’em?  Why?  I’m giggling and thinking “because we say so” but I’m telling you that in the five years since your original design, we’ve changed the targets on emissions.  yeah, yeah, yeah, we know…  Your treatment of your water discharge is cleaner than the city supply for Washington DC.  But that was then.  This is now.  NOW it’s going to be too hot when it hits the river.  You’ll inconvenience the carp.

Okay, Now you fixed those problems?  I hope you didn’t spend too much money, BECAUSE we’re THE GOVERNMENT and you pay taxes so we can stand in your way.  Your safety designs are flawed?  Oh, stop whining.  I KNOW they were in line with regulations seven years ago.  But that was then.  this NOW.  And WE get to say.  So your three million dollar substation?  Make it six.  And that’s YOUR dollars.  Oh, yeah, we’re still smiling.  Think of how this is helping the economy.  We’re rolling in YOUR money.

So here we are fifteen years from the time that your former CEO signed off on the new plant, and you are NOW producing your product.  Moving target?  You’re shooting at one.  And when you pulled the trigger, we pulled the target.  You spent two and half billion dollars now to produce tons of superxylopyrdine (I made that up.  It’ll be in next week’s Name Game) and Moms For Brats, in concert with researchers who stuck their heads in one vent hood too many have decided that superxylopyridine is a carcinogen, based on tests wherein feeding two pounds of superxylopyridine to a two ounce mouse invariably kills it.  So we’re not telling YOU that you can’t make it, we’re just telling anybody who might buy your fine product that if they use it in anything that may come within fifty meters of a human being, then THEY are open to lawsuits.

Aren’t you glad you didn’t buy your stuff from China?

Chinese version:  Huang walks into The Big Guy’s office.

H:  We build superxylopyridine factory.  Sell billions to Amellicans.

BG:  Do it.

Huang goes up the river and picks a site.  Local people, the dumb ones, protest one time.  Second protest isn’t heard because it can’t get past prison walls.  Chinese environmentalists protest, find new career as Second Pickaxe in a coal mine.  Chinese OSHA looks around, produces a spreadsheet on pirated MS Excel showing that local population is providing new workers faster than toxic byproducts of superxylopyridine can kill them.  The fact that releases of toxic waste into the river every Friday cause the catfish to get out and walk is curiously of no concern to Huang or the Big Guy.

And those reports on the toxicity of superxylopyridine?  Chinese factories rename it paraxylopyridine and it goes into every baby teething ring Wal-Mart sells for the next three years.

But according to Obama, we’re supposed to be jealous of the Chinese.