The little hospital on our side of the river reports its November births, a total of seventeen new babies. Of those, thirteen are to unwed ‘couples’ and three were born to mommies who didn’t keep the daddy’s business card.

Lets see what’s under the rotten bark.

Krickett(!) and Brandon R. show their daughter, little Remington Lee, and we’re waiting on twins, Smith and Wesson.

Miss Shalyn(!) L. brings a baby boy, Ledger Lane, and no baby daddy.

Miss Tianna)!) T. hyphenates her new daughter Kadyn-Lynn Onjel, and the baby daddy’s name didn’t make the announcement.

Reagan L. and Dakota C. Sr. brings a little girl named after a flower, Dahlia Rene’.

Jaycie C.and Dashaun M. show a baby boy, Alijah Kaiyan.

Bethany L. and Chad S. show their son named after a weather phenomenon, Elijah Rayne.

Melanie and Hunter W. give their son a random surname, Garrison Lane.

Sable(!) and Chance L. get geographical with their little boy Texas Chance.

Courtney H. and Travis G. starter their son out on a career path as  Tanner Blake.

And that’s it this time.

So here’s the birth announcements from our little hospital for the month of April.  We get fifteen new babies out of this.  Of those, eleven are born to unwed parents, one mommy being protective of the baby daddy’s identity.

Let’s see what we get:

Keely B. and Jared T. boy, Who gets a stripper name Teddy Blayze.

Kindall H. and Cody E., boy, with a name made up on the spot, Brinham Ray.

Jordan and Micah J., girl, set up with  Wrenlee Nicole.

Ka’le(!) G. and Ja’Marlin(!) L., girl, who gets all spiritual as Nova Sage.

Mikayla(!) T. and Devon B., boy, with a last name for a first name,  Tucker Paul.

Mackenzie S. and Riley D. squeeze a ‘y’ into the first name of their little boy, then tag him with a stripper middle name, giving us Judsyn Blade.

Miss Crystal T. had a little girl, Clementine Bow

Baylee(!) F. and Kyran P. bring their little boy with a contrived first name and a stripper middle name, Princetyn Storm.

And that’s the list for this month.

First run of the new year. Our little local hospital reports twenty-one births for the month of December 2024. Ten of them are to unwed parents and two new mommies lost the business card from the baby daddy.

Let’s see what we find in the rubble of civilization, shall we?

Hannah Q. and Markeetan(!) G. name their son after cooking oil, so we greet little Wesson Lee.

Madisyn(with a ‘y’!) L. and Preston B. do their daughter as Kendall
Avery.

Sara and Robert P. innovate one for their daughter Ridgelyn Rose.

Miss Anastasia T. names her daughter after a fabric print, giving us little Paizley Rose.

Debra H. and Scottie C. name their daughter after a motorcycle,  Harley Joe.

Miss Mayah B. contrives one for her son showing us little Kaisyn Edward.

Marley S. and Ashton P. bring their little girl named after a tree, Willow James.

Katelyn and Austin W. show a son grandiosely tagged with Maxton Brooks.

Kristin and Daniel M. name their son what her major activity is going to be fro the next couple of years,  Holden Joseph.  “Whatcha doin today, Kristin?”  “Holden Joseph.”

Myria B. and Andrew T. foretell the future with son Rowdy Wayne.

And that’s it for this month.

It’s that time of the month again.  The little hospital on this side of the river reports its births for the month of November.  That’s sixteen new babies, eleven to unmarried parents.

Let’s see what we get, shall we?

Jacqueline E. and Jose G. do a daughter, little Esmari Luz.

Klaryce and Jacob A. show their son, little Jesiah Riff-Onyx.  Had to get the kid three names and a bit of punctuation.

Allissa D. and Ferman C. tag a son with Fhoenix D’mar because fake-assed spelling, contrived names and extraneous punctuation mark him as offspring of people of quality.

Katie W. and Dustin W. show their baby boy, little Fable Oakley  using the ‘pick a random work and make it a name’ technique.

Denasia(!)  D. and Justin D. (different surnames) present their son Jayce Marcellus giving him one of those manly single-syllable names.

Baileigh(! – extra letters means extra sophistication!) B. and Brandon P. get confused and name their baby boy Bronson Scott. Whose son?

Monica and Dan N. put a stripper name on their son Blaze Revere.

And that’s it for this month.

The monthly report from the little hospital on this side of the river.

That’s seventeen new babies.  Three of those (the minority of live births in ‘small-town America) are to WED parents.  Four are born to mommies who didn’t see fit to post a daddy’s name.

Let’s kick over the rotten log of what’s left of America:

Kaleigh M. and Trevor R. present a son, little  Adonis James Earl.

Miss Miriam P.  does a son up with Onyx Creek, using a stone and a terrain feature to show he’s speshul.

Karmyn(!) A. and Connor C. do the tryndeigh with their daughter Kaidyn Diane.

Meche and Darien B. triple up on their daughter Ivy Simone Marie.

Diana and Dylan M. bring a baby girl named after a hollywood person,  Demi Lane.

Aleks(!) and Austin A. do a son, little Henry Adam, but I couldn’t pass up ‘Aleks’.

Haley I. and Kaelob(!) R. know the boost in life thathaving a special name gives, so they do it for their son Kaiden Kyle.

Kiamgelie(!) S. and Fidel G. bring a son, Kylo Emiliano and I couldn’t leave out “Kiamgelie”.

Catherine B. and Colen C. manage to work a ‘yz’ in to tag their son with Kyzann Elijah Glenn

Alexandra B. and Joshua J show a daughter, Vaiya Lynelle.

Miss Destynee(!) S. does her daughter with Stetsyn Reign just like the hat on the absent daddy.

Miss Morgan G. brings her son Graysen John.  What she doesn’t bring is a daddy’s name.

Aiyana S. and Thaedyn(!) G. show their son Joseph Elias, really benign after ‘Aiyana’ and ‘Thaedyn’.

And that’s the end of this month’s rendition.

The little hospital on this side of the river announces July’s births. That’s twenty-six new babies. Nineteen of those are out of wedlock with one new mommy forgetting to get the name of the baby daddy.

Folks, it’s over.  The norms that build civilization are gone.

Let’s see what’s under the rotted log:

Ethan B. and Reagan R.  do a daughter up with Bohdi Blake.

Brian K. and MaKayla(!) H. go nuts tagging their baby girl as Raynlei Marie-Anna Daughsynn.  Four names, two of them made up on the spot.  Punctuation.  Talk about prepared for success!

 Talathan(!) J. and Amber D. perpetuate the travesty with their son Talathan Ken III.

Landen T. and Chelsie M. do a son with Kohlsen Gene.

Samuel Jr. and Jade Walker bring their little girl Isla Grace.  So, is she ‘EYE-lah’ or ‘IZZ-la’ oe ‘IZE-lah’?  It’s gonna be asked.

Paul B. Jr. and Maddie B. (different surnames) presnt their son Keelin David-Ray.

Cartier(!) S. and Diana P. do a son, little Ivan Kamara.  If you say it fast it’s almost lyrical.

Mason D. and Jasmine I. bring their son Emrys James.

Michael T. and Amber A. tag their son with Valor Kane.

Dakota M. and Trinity H. show their son Bodhi Blaine.

Keith J. and Ashley Jones give their son one of those manly single-syllable names, Kruz Marcus.

Dylan T. and Karly S. go with the country-western motif with their son Stetson Kole and get extra score for using a “K” instead of a “C” in the middle name.

Brent and Abbie H. head for the outdoors with their son Woodes Henry.

Michael P. and Amanda W. set their daughter on a career path as Sawyer Grace.

De’Brodrick(!!) F. and Kelsey L. start their son off as royalty by crowning him King Journi.

And that’s the end of this month’s list.

A little bit from the birth announcements of the little hospital on this side of the river. I once noted that compared to the bigger hospitals on the other, more urban, side of the river, we used to be sane. The lines are blurry, folks, as civilization slides into the abyss.

We have twelve new babies, seven of which are to unmarried parents.

Lets se what we got:

Audrey O. and Myaleke B. do a daughter up with Mya’ Rose.

Jaden A. and Gadvin E. contrive a handle for their daughter Kinsley Rae.

Jessica and Genaro A. tag a son with Bryson Kash, thereby conferring upon his hopes of prosperity.

Sara and Robert P. II name their son after a map feature, giving us little Ridge Jerold.

Lakyn(!) A. and Gavin R. find a name in the spice cabinet for their daughter Saige Ruth.

Veronica A. and Casey R. show their son Colt Israel proving their love of both horses and geography.

And that’s a month’s worht.

From local arrest records –

Alana Deshea R. Disturbing the peace; resisting an officer; disturbing the peace.

Florence Lsharamone D. Headlamps on Motor Vehicles; first-offense marijuana possession (14 grams or less); Schedule I possession (2 counts).

Jayvion Ahmed R. Speeding; resisting an officer; Schedule I possession with intent; Schedule II possession with intent (2 counts); Schedule IV possession with intent; illegal carrying of a weapon during commission of a crime or in the presence of drugs; out-of-state detainer.

Thomas Emilio G. Speeding; reckless operation; aggravated flight from an officer.

Dedrick Donte Jarmal G. Theft less than $1,000.

Jalen Juwon A. Domestic abuse battery with child endangerment.

Colbianta Fredrion S. Theft less than $1,000; resisting an officer with force or violence; bank fraud; forgery

Antonio Debar T. – Contempt of court; Schedule I possession; Schedule II possession.

Aerinn Devohn G. – Operating while intoxicated; maximum speed limit; operating a vehicle with a suspended license; possession of alcoholic beverages in motor vehicles; probation detainer.

Angelo Marquez B. – Possession of a Schedule II drug; broken tail lamps; possession of marijuana; possession of drug paraphernalia.

Brealon Zechariah A. – Probation detainer; instate detainer.

Kiyus Kimari G. – Domestic abuse (3 charges).

Diontay Anthony T. – Domestic abuse.

Frances Rashad L. – Possession of marijuana; possession of a Schedule II drug; owner must secure registration; operating a vehicle with a suspended license; possession of a Schedule II drug; headlamps on motor vehicles; possession of drug paraphernalia.

Amantha Rene F. – Violations of protective orders.

Tamikka Chantelle T – Child desertion.

Nakelin Jlon W. – driving on a roadway laned for traffic; possession of marijuana; production, manufacture, distribution, or possession of a Schedule II drug; illegal use of a Schedule drug in the presence of a minor.

Barrington Anotnia R. – Possession of marijuana; production, manufacture, distribution, or possession of a Schedule II drug; possession of a Schedule drug in the presence of a minor.

Jlon Mason B. – Possession of a Schedule IV drug; possession of a Schedule I drug; illegal carrying of weapons during a crime; broken headlamps on motor vehicles.

Kmohne Davonted Kimble Y. – Possession of marijuana; possession of a firearm by a person previously convicted of felonies; failure to signal while turning

Devery Marichael J. – Burglary; theft under $1,000.

Gassaway Trygve C III. – Obscenity.

Dametris Lavon J. – Domestic abuse; possession of marijuana; possession of drug paraphernalia; instate detainer; possession of stolen things under $5,000.

Zachary Qunshawn E. – Possession of marijuana; possession of a Schedule II drug; operating a vehicle with a suspended license; expired plates.

Desmon Raynard C. Sr. – Possession of a Schedule II drug; operating a vehicle with a suspended license; owner must secure registration; switched license plate; flight from an officer; no motor vehicle license.

Jacalen Charles P. – Domestic abuse.

Kentrezz Jarrin P. – First-degree rape; aggravated burglary.

Kashif Micheal K. – Unauthorized entry of an inhabited dwelling.

Kia Lashawn L. – Conspiracy; possession of drug paraphernalia; production, manufacture, distribution, or possession of a Schedule I drug (2 charges); production, manufacture, distribution, or possession of a Schedule III drug.

Octavious Terrell D. – Direct contempt of court; armed robbery; aggravated assault with a firearm; possession of a firearm or carrying concealed weapon by a person convicted of certain felonies; illegal possession of stolen firearms first offense; resisting an officer.

Ashontelle Rene S. – Child desertion.

Brannovan Jawansi A. – Illegal use of weapons.

Trulen Shane G. – Battery of a dating partner; theft under $1,000.

Treylon Tramon T. – Domestic abuse.

Jacalen Charles P. – Second-degree battery; obstruction of court orders.

Chosefur Dewayne A. – Production, manufacture, distribution, or possession of a Schedule II drug (3 charges); illegal use of a Schedule drug in the presence of a minor (2 charges).

Derik Kendall R. – Second-degree murder; domestic abuse; aggravated cruelty to animals; possession of a firearm by a person previously convicted of felonies; attempted second-degree murder; interfering with emergency communications; illegal use of weapons.

Shaniesha Mercedes Jena R. – Two counts of theft less than $1,000; direct contempt of court; unauthorized entry of an inhabited dwelling; simple criminal damage to property from $1,000 but less than $50,000.

Kato Jamal H. – Simple burglary of an inhabited dwelling; two counts of possession of a Schedule II drug; drug paraphernalia; possession of a firearm by a convicted felon; resisting an officer.

Josiah Malachi P. – Possession of a Schedule II drug; possession of synthetic marijuana; possession of marijuana; possession of drug paraphernalia; proper equipment required on vehicles; windshield obscured.

Khadijha Miranda R. – Contempt of court (5 charges); burglary; possession of a Schedule II drug.

Terrez John K. – Theft of a motor vehicle worth $25,000 or more; aggravated assault; resisting an officer; property damage under $1,000.

Asia Lashona M. – Theft under $25,000.

Dequian Jmaal M. – Illegal possession of stolen firearms; possession of marijuana.

Tatyana Nicole A. – Unauthorized entry of an inhabited dwelling.

Jermaine Torino J. – Criminal trespass; disturbing the peace; possession of a Schedule III drug.

Jerterrel Joseph R. – Violations of protective orders.

Chiqita Antrinet R. – Contempt of court; proper equipment required on vehicles; monetary instrument abuse.

Aereck Ashlee C – Theft under $5,000; possession of marijuana; resisting an officer by flight.

Shakira LaNae F. – Theft under $5,000; possession of marijuana.

Jareth Shermon B. – Solicitation on a highway; resisting an officer; resisting an officer by refusal to I.D.

And let start the next collection for our little window on the downward slide of Western Civilization.