Here’s further proof that I AM in the wrong business. Here I am working to make life in America a safe, comfortable experience, and I should be happily divesting moonbats of their money.

Here’s what set me off this time:

Micro Fueler Is First Ethanol Kit for Brewing Backyard Biofuels on the Cheap

NEW YORK — This morning, the E-Fuel Corporation, a Silicon Valley startup, introduced the first ethanol refinery system designed for home use. The Micro Fueler, a backyard fueling station, can create pure E100 ethanol from sugar feed stock. “It’s third-grade science,� says Thomas Quinn, founder and CEO of E-Fuel. “You just mix together water, sugar and yeast, and in a few hours, you start getting ethanol.� The $9995 Micro Fueler has a can fill its own 35-gallon tank in about a week by fermenting the sugar, water and yeast internally, then separating out the water through a membrane filter.

Me, I’m almost speechless. This boggles my mind. Ten gallons of sugar? Eighty pounds. For one gallon of ethanol so you can feel good and smug wearing your birkenstocks and earth shoes. That’s eighty pounds of food for one gallon of fuel.

But wait! It gets better:

E-Fuel representatives claim that the initial cost of the machine can be offset by up to 50 percent by federal, state and local credits, and the cost of raw sugar can be brought down to $1 or below through a system of carbon trading coupons. The Micro Fueler can produce a gallon of ethanol from about 10 gallons of sugar.

You see? It’s all very okay, because you can get Uncle Sam to foot the bill for half the cost. And if you play some foolish games with numbers, you can get the cost of the sugar down. And it’s like, you know, saving the PLANET and everything.

Quinn dismisses many of the preconceptions about ethanol—lower gas mileage, long-term damage to automotive fuel systems and the need for a “flex-fuel� car—as just myths. Quinn claims that the E100 from the Micro Fueler can be mixed with ordinary gasoline, or even water to a 70/30 ratio—and still maintain a high-enough octane level to provide plenty of power for ordinary vehicles.

Quinn is at best, a snake-oil salesman and at worst, an idiot. The Laws of Thermodynamics are universal and well known. It takes a certain amount of energy to move a car a mile. That energy HAS to come from somewhere. A gallon of gasoline has more energy than a gallon of ethanol, therefore it will take MORE ethanol to move a car a mile than it will gasoline. That is science, not sales pitch.

When you mix ethanol with gasoline, you get something that will burn, and the ratio of ethanol to gasoline will determine the mileage you get from the mixture. And 70% ethanol, 30% water? You’ll probably be surprised to know that the mileage of that mixture will be even worse than pure ethanol. There ain’t no such thing as a free lunch, folks. But these people are selling one. For $9,995, plus supplies.

The Micro Fueler is for sale now, with deliveries expected by the fourth quarter. Obviously, there are a lot of unknown variables—fuel prices, sugar supply and distribution, and, of course, the machine’s basic reliability—that will determine the potential success or failure of the Micro Fueler. But Quinn, who has a background in the PC business, sees the personal nature of the Micro Fueler as its main selling point. “Ethanol is really the people’s fuel,� he says. “Anybody can make it.� —Glenn Derene

Now here’s a silly little thought. You fork over $9,995, file your paperwork to see what you can get Uncle Sam to give you, and you start turning out 35 gallons a week of pure 200 PROOF ethanol.

Now, kiddies, what sort of alcohol is it that forms our adult beverage industry? Can you say “ethanol”? I just KNEW you could.

Oh, I can see the wheels turning now. Everclear is only 190 proof (95% alcohol) and you’re beating that. Discounting the fact that the US government (that’s the same government you’re trying to get to subsidize your new toy) wants $27 in taxes for each gallon of drinking alcohol, you’re sitting on a lucrative side business. A quart of your “fuel”, some flavoring oils, and three quarts of water, and you’ve just produced a “fine” liqueur, a whole gallon, at 50 proof. Mix two quarts of your stuff and two quarts of water, and you’ve gone one whole gallon into the vodka business. You get the picture.

Thirty-five gallons of your car fuel can be parlayed into seventy gallons of 100-proof vodka or 140 gallons of various liqueurs. Or you can dump it straight into your orange juice and cut the cr*p. If you can’t get a couple of thousand bucks for your week’s production of auto fuel, you’re not the businessman I thought you were…

And to paraphrase an old adage, “alcohol will get you through times of no gasoline better’n gasoline will get you through times of no alcohol.”