I admit it. I am a cat-lover. I just as well be, because I am owned by three of them. Cats are very complex creatures and must be properly handled.
Here are the rules for handling a stray cat.
- Stray cats will not be fed.
- Stray cats will not be fed anything, except dry cat food.
- Stray cats will not be fed anything, except dry cat food moistened with a little milk.
- Stray cats will not be fed anything, except dry cat food moistened with warm milk, yummy treats and leftover fish scraps.
- Stray cats will not be encouraged to make this house their permanent residence.
- Stray cats will not be petted, played with, picked up and cuddled unnecessarily.
- Stray cats that are petted, played with, picked up and cuddled will absolutely not be given a name.
- Stray cats with or without a name, will not be allowed inside the house at any time.
- Stray cats will not be allowed inside the house, except at certain times.
- Stray cats will not be allowed inside the house, except on days ending in “y”.
- Stray cats allowed inside, will not be permitted to jump up on or sharpen their claws on the furniture.
- Stray cats will not be permitted to, jump up on or sharpen claws on the really good furniture.
- Stray cats will be permitted on all furniture, but must sharpen claws on new sisal-rope cat-scratching post with three perches.
- Stray cats will answer the call of nature outdoors in the sand.
- Stray cats will answer the call of nature in the three-piece, high-impact plastic tray filled with Fresh’n’Sweet kitty litter.
- Stray cats will answer the call of nature in the hooded litter pan, with a three-panel privacy screen and plenty of head room.
- Stray cats will sleep outside.
- Stray cats will sleep in the garage.
- Stray cats will sleep in the house.
- Stray cats will sleep in a cardboard box lined with an old blanket.
- Stray cats will sleep in the special Kitty-Komfort-Bed with non-allergenic lambs wool pillow.
- Stray cats will not be allowed to sleep in our bed.
- Stray cats will not be allowed to sleep in our bed, except at the foot.
- Stray cats will not be allowed to sleep in our bed under the covers.
- Stray cats will not be allowed to sleep in our bed under the covers, except at the foot.
- Stray cats will not play on the desk.
- Stray cats will not play on the desk, near the computer.
- Stray cats are forbidden to walk on the computer keyboard on the desk, when the human is
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