476 AD – Romulus Augustulus, last emperor of the Western Roman Empire, is deposed when Odoacer proclaims himself King of Italy, thus ending the Western Roman Empire. “Odoacer was the first barbarian who reigned over Italy, over a people who had once asserted their just superiority above the rest of mankind.”

1682 – English astronomer Edmund Halley sees his namesake comet. It could be MUCH worse. You could have had the automotive industry’s most famous marketing disaster named after you (See 1957, below)

1797 – Coup of 18 Fructidor in France. As the ‘enlightened’ continue the revolution, the new government, of and by the people who know best how to rule a country, do away with any religion but the new state religion, abolish freedom of the press, and wiped out two-thirds of the government debt. And that worked out so well for them.

1807 – Robert Fulton begins operating his steamboat. Members of the union, International Association of Boat Tuggers, and environmentalists meet on the bank to protest.

1833 – First newsboy hired (Barney Flaherty, 10 years old-NY Sun). Promptly delivers first paper onto client’s roof with sports pages missing.

1870 – Emperor Napoleon III of France is deposed and the Third Republic is declared. They just as well try something different. France under Napoleon III got their collective ass handed to them by Mexico in 1867 and the Germans captured his butt two days ago in the Battle of Sedan. The Mexicans got a holiday (Cinco de Mayo) off ol’ Nappy de Third. The Germans just yawned, made reservations at Parisian restaurants and waited for Parisian cathouses to put on extra shifts.

1882 – Thomas Edison flips the switch to the first commercial electrical power plant in history, lighting one square mile of lower Manhattan. This is considered by many as the day that began the electrical age. Edison’s DC system required a powerplant on almost every block because at the time there was no way to step up voltage for transmission of power for long distances. It took alternating current, AC, to put electricity in everybody’s homes and businesses. That would be Tesla and Westinghouse.

1884 – Britain ends its policy of penal transportation to New South Wales in Australia. I’d say something snarky but every Aussie I ever met was a decent sort of fellow. Maybe they don’t let the a*sholes out of the country… Australia is just one of several great countries established by British rejects.

1888 – George Eastman registers the trademark Kodak and receives a patent for his camera that uses roll film. Film? Who remembers film?

1893 – English author Beatrix Potter first tells the story of Peter Rabbit, the story of a troubled child raised by his struggling single mother. His near abuse at the hands of a puppet of an agro-industrial conglomerate results in an epiphany.

1914 – General von Moltke ceases German advance in France. He becomes famous as “The German General Who DIDN’T Take Paris” to differentiate him from German generals before and after… Parisian restaurateurs curse him badly as they have to eat the costs of printing up thousands of menus in German. Simultaneously, French brothels cancel laundry contracts since their French patrons aren’t that worried about clean sheets and many of the clientele are over there stopping the Germans.

1923 – Maiden flight of the first U.S. airship, the USS Shenandoah. It lasts two years. These things have a fatal design flaw – they’re so stinkin’ big that the weather at one end can be different than that at the other, ripping them apart.

1944 – World War II: The British 11th Armoured Division liberates the Belgian city of Antwerp. Since the Belgians had no buffoon equivalent to Charles de Gaulle, they didn’t take credit for rescuing themselves.

1950 – Darlington Raceway is the site of the inaugural Southern 500, the first 500-mile NASCAR race. Push the pedal, turn left. Repeat. And if those are ‘stock cars’ (they’re not. they admitted that and changed the name) then I’m Katerina, Tzarina of All the Russias.

1956 – The IBM RAMAC 305 is introduced, the first commercial computer to use magnetic disk storage. The drive was the size of a couple of refrigerators and held the equivalent of 3.5 megabytes. You can’t even buy a thumb drive that small any more…

1957 – The Ford Motor Company introduces the Edsel. Unlike the later Pinto, the Edsel didn’t itself explode. However the heads of many who saw it reached dangerous pressure levels as Ford experiments with a level of corporate ugliness so great that “Edsel” (it’s named after Henry Ford’s son) becomes a synonym for corporate marketing stupidity. Three years later, the “Edsel” is history, but the ugly goes on forever.

1972 – Munich massacre: A Palestinian terrorist group called “Black September” attacks and takes hostage 11 Israeli athletes at the Munich Olympic Games. Two die in the attack and nine die the following day.

1972 – US swimmer Mark Spitz becomes 1st athlete to win 7 Olympic gold medals. Had himself a nice little record until some kid named Phelps came along…

1998 – Google is founded by Larry Page and Sergey Brin, two students at Stanford University.