1653 – New Amsterdam (later renamed The City of New York) is incorporated.

1887 – In Punxsutawney, Pennsylvania the first Groundhog Day is observed. Long-term weather prediction as indicated by a big fat rat… Oh, wait, we’re NOT talking about Al Gore, are we?

1933 – Adolf Hitler dissolves the German Parliament. The economy is in the dumps. He’s charismatic and a great speaker and tells the people what they want to hear. And he’s got a pen.

1943 – World War II: The Battle of Stalingrad comes to an end when Soviet troops accept the surrender of the last German troops in the city. The Soviets take 91,000 prisoners. 5,000 survive. The last of them are repatriated to Germany in 1955.

1980 – Reports surface that the FBI is targeting allegedly corrupt Congressmen in the Abscam operation. We fixed that. Now the IRS targets the Tea Party, but it’s totally NOT the same thing. The FBI steps its game up and targets Republican presidential campaigns.

1989 – Soviet war in Afghanistan: The last Soviet Union armored column leaves Kabul. I had hopes that we would do better, but it’s kind of like treating a drug addict. The victim has to WANT to help himself.

1989 – Global warming’s grip on the world tightens as temperatures reach 0 degrees F (-18 C) or below in 15 US states.

1990 – Apartheid: F. W. de Klerk announces the unbanning of the African National Congress and promises to release Nelson Mandela. South Africa prepares to enter the Golden Age of Africa just like Zimbabwe. Nobody does ‘despot’ like an African despot.

2009 – The Reserve Bank of Zimbabwe devalues the Zimbabwean dollar for the third and final time, making Z$1 trillion now only Z$1 of the new currency (this is equivalent to Z$10 septillion before the first devaluation). I have a 100 TRILLION Z$ note on the wall.