1500 – The fleet of Pedro Alvares Cabral leaves Lisbon for the Indies. The fleet will discover Brazil which lies within boundaries granted to Portugal in the Treaty of Tordesillas. This is why Brazil speaks Portuguese. The remainder of the Western hemisphere was graciously given by the Church to Spain, which is why we all speak Spanish. No? We don’t? Wait for it!

1847 – Mexican-American War: The first large-scale amphibious assault in U.S. history is launched in the Siege of Veracruz.

1862 – American Civil War: The USS Monitor and CSS Virginia fight to a draw in the Battle of Hampton Roads, the first fight between two ironclad warships.

1916 – Pancho Villa leads nearly 500 Mexican raiders in an attack against Columbus, New Mexico. America responds with General Pershing and a bunch of soldiers. Today, millions cross the border, and America responds with “diplomats”, politicians and tax dollars.

1945 – World War II: The Bombing of Tokyo by the United States Army Air Forces begins, one of the most destructive bombing raids in history. 334 B-29s dropping incendiaries destroy 267,000 buildings; 25% of city in Operation Meetinghouse, killing some 100,000.

1945 – World War II: A coup d’état by Japanese forces in French Indochina removes the French from power. With the war in Europe almost over, the French have yet one more surrender left in their bag.

1959 – The Barbie doll makes its debut at the American International Toy Fair in New York. Little girls are presented with an image of materialism and fashion over the nurturing images of baby dolls.

1989 – A strike forces financially-troubled Eastern Air Lines into bankruptcy.

1997 – The Notorious B.I.G. is murdered in Los Angeles after attending the Soul Train Music Awards. He is gunned down leaving an after party at the Petersen Automotive Museum. His murder remains unsolved. If this doesn’t peg your giveashit meter, I don’t know what will.