1782 – The first American commercial bank, the Bank of North America, opens, immediately applies for federal bailout money.

1904 – The distress signal “CQD” is established only to be replaced two years later by “SOS”. “Dadidadit daddahdidah dahdidit” is not as distinctive in punching through poor radio signals as “dididit dahdahdah dididit”. SOS is a lot easier for the non-radio person to remember, too.

1913 – William M Burton patents a process to “crack” petroleum. increasing the amount of more useful and valuable products to be extracted from crude oil. By using this magic, refiners can actually get more gallons of products from a barrel than the original volume.

1920 – The New York State Assembly refuses to seat five duly elected Socialist assemblymen. If they pulled that stunt today, there wouldn’t be any dimmocrats in the legislature.

1927 – First transatlantic telephone call – New York City to London. And they get a busy signal…

1935 – Benito Mussolini and French Foreign Minister Pierre Laval sign the Franco–Italian Agreement. This is the historical equivalent of the fish GETTING the bicycle…

1940 – Winter War: The Finnish 9th Division stop and completely destroy the numerically superior Soviet forces on the Raate-Suomussalmi road. Out-numbered by more than two to one, they inflict ten times the casualties on the Soviets.

1942 – World War II: The siege of the Bataan Peninsula begins.

“We’re the battlin’ bastards of Bataan. No momma, no daddy, no Uncle Sam…”

And when they surrender, they’re subjected to atrocity of historical proportions, The Bataan Death March.

1944 – Air Force announces production of first US jet fighter, the Bell P-59, not quite an abysmal failure, but not exactly one of the high points of American aviation technology.

1945 – German propagandist Lord Haw-Haw reports total German victory at the Battle of the Ardennes. He sets the standards for truth and accuracy in war reporting later upheld by Baghdad Bob of the Iraqi foreign ministry and Harry Reid of the US Senate. Today he’d be on the staff of CNN or PBS.

1945 – World War II: British General Bernard Montgomery holds a press conference in which he claims credit for victory in the Battle of the Bulge. Yeah, right! And Charles DeGaulle freed France, too…

1953 – President Harry Truman announces that the United States has developed the hydrogen bomb. Fresh trousers are in sudden demand in the Kremlin. In 1960, they order another load when the first Polaris missile is tested.

1973 – In his second shooting spree of the week, Mark Essex fatally shoots seven people and wounds five others at Howard Johnson’s Hotel in New Orleans, Louisiana, before being shot to death by police officers. Black nationalist.

1986 – US president Reagan proclaims economic sanctions against Libya. Program includes using US Navy jets to give Libyan fighter pilots a chance to go swimming.

1991 – Beginning of Operation Desert Storm, during the Gulf War.

2015 – Two gunmen commit a mass shooting at the offices of Charlie Hebdo in Paris, killing twelve people and injuring another eleven. Anybody want to venture a guess as to the religious affiliation of the killers?